Joking For Ever

Walk as a gift,Talk as a gift,Impress as gift,Make a gift as you can finally you will get a gift called special gift....A joke is a question, short story, or depiction of a situation made with the intent of being humorous.Jokes are typically for the
entertainment of friends and onlookers. The desired response is generally laughter; when this does not happen the joke is said to have "fallen flat".Jokes have been a part of human culture since at least 1900 BC.Currently known as Joke.
Currently believed to be the world's oldest known joke.

New Jokes

Teacher:whta you want 2 become in future
Student:After studying MBBS,I want to join in police
force and do job in a good software company to work
as lawyer to construct building for conducting my research
on plants for becoming an actor to teach in management college.
Principal:Whats your name?
Student:Santhosh Pandit

One day Santa was feeling Happy ...
Next day Santa was again feeling Happy ...
Next to next day santa was feeling Happy again
BUT
this time Happy got angry n slapped Santa :D

Teacher:-I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu:-Life imprisonment.

Teacher to Student : Kid your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy from him?
Student : No teacher its about the same dog.

During my school
days,my teachers
used to wear
sunglasses,
Do you know why????
I was was such a bright student....

German scientists dug 50 metres underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 metres down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fibre net.
Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 metres underground, but found absolutely nothing......They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.

One Sardar talk to another Sardar on telephone," Hello, main bol raha hu."
Second sardar replied amazingly, "kamaal hai,
idhar se bhi main bol raha hu." 


There was a competition
between PULSAR 180
and APACHE 180 on 
the road.
But finally the winner is
"108 AMULANCE"
so drive carefully....

In an exam a student
who wasnt prepared
left the page blank
and at the bottam drew
flowers and wrote
"In the memory of my
memory,which recently
passed away"

Americayile randu nadhikalude name ninakku ariyaamo...?
"Thressyammayum" "Philominechiyum........."


American: Can U swim?
Pathan: No
American: Dog is Better den u
bcz It Swims
Pathan: Can u swim?
American: Yes
Pathan: then whats the Difference between u & Dog.


 MALAYALEE enna vakinde artham?
M:-Mattulla
A:-Alukalude
L:-Life
...A:-Alampakkan
Y:-Yathoru
A:-Arappum
L:-Levalesham
I:-Illathavan
So U are a good MALAYALEE....

1) Laloo enters a shop and shouts, “Where’s my free gift with this
oil?”
Shopkeeper: “Iske Saath koi Gift nahin hai, Lalooji”
Laloo : Ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE “

Malayali-
Dont want to study in Govt. school....
Dont want to go to Govt.hospital
Dont want to travel by govt bus
But everybody want Govt job

Micheal Jordan to Rajini: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?
Rajni: Rascala; how do you think the earth spins!?

If you spell ‘Rajanikant’ wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajinikanth?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”

Wats d height of hope??
It is: sittin in d exam hall,
holdin d question paper in hand
n tellin ur self
“dude,dnt worry.
Exams wil get postponed!” 

Change cannot be given to U everytime.
U only Must bring d change.Great lines said by
Mr kochappu,Bus conductor

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"


Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

When Rajinikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. 


A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."


A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.


A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!


If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.


A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.


"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".


When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.

My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"

However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.


A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!


A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."


A man is talking to God.
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."


An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.


A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!


Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.


Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"


Teacher: How can we get some clean water?
Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.


Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.


Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers.

Dont kiss a women lawyer,she will say"I object this"
Dont kiss a nurse,she will say"Who is next"
Always kiss a teacher,she will say"Do it ten times"

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